HEROIC FAILURES
(Investigator 215, 2024 March)
You're probably more of a loser than a heroic failure if you set out to commit a robbery but:
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Your name is tattooed across your forehead and you don't cover it;
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You have a distinguishing physical feature such as being the tallest person in the nation;
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You telephone the venue to have the money ready when you arrive.
The Ultimate Book of Heroic Failures (2011) by Stephen Pile is an
entertaining compendium of choices and their consequences, of
foolishness, idiocy and bad luck.
Many of the failures are of a religious or paranormal nature:
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The leader of God's Salvation Church in Texas predicted that God would
appear on a shopping channel to announce his coming in person a week
later. The faithful gathered but neither appearance happened and the
leader gave a press conference where he advised people not to believe
anything he said.
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A psychic, the Amazing Criswell, was wrong in his every impressive
prediction: Asteroid impact on London; outbreak of cannibalism;
horrific accidents; and the most disappointing failure the first
Interplanetary Congress on March 19, 1990.
Most of the failures are ordinary, everyday-type people:
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A man didn't want to pay child support but found work as a Father
Christmas. One two-year-old who climbed on his lap recognized him and
called out "Santa is daddy!" and the mother was able to serve the
child-support papers.
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A woman accidentally locked herself out while stark naked, inverted a
bucket over her head so nobody would recognize her, got lost while
seeking help, and was arrested by police.
If you're often a heroic failure but want the wisdom to turn your life around, this book will help you to avoid many pitfalls.
Not every incongruous consequence identifies a failure. Elvis Presley
once entered an Elvis Presley impersonator contest, incognito of
course, and sang "Love Me Tender", and came third.