Schlocky Horror

The Schlocky Horror Picture Show

(Investigator 170, 2016 September)

Schlocky Horror

If you like watching movies that make you shout "This is crap!" or "This is bull----!" then the Schlocky Horror Picture Show on Channel 44 (Adelaide) is for you.

Most of the movies are in the public domain and awful. Some are almost a century old and others are in the running for worst movie ever.

The best part of the Picture Show is often the introductory chat by talking-skeleton Nigel Honeybone who tells about the actors, directors, budgets and highlights.

As if public domain is not cheap enough, Schlocky Horror movies screened previously are already being repeated.

Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory was screened in 2009, Eegah and The Corpse Vanishes in 2010, Zontar The thing From Venus in 2011, Plan Nine From Outer Space in 2013, and The Killer Shrews in 2008, and this year they all returned. Eegah is so banal and silly, and the acting so wooden, that its highlight is when the girl abducted by a Neanderthal shaves his beard!

The Schlocky Horror website Message Boards have no messages, and the Frequently Asked Questions page has no questions.

Channel 44

Schlocky Horror Picture Show movies are public domain because apparently Channel 44 cannot afford much else.

The viewing includes shows that today's great grandparents watched as kids, such as The Cisco Kid, I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriet, The Beverly Hillbillies, Red Skelton, Flash Gordon, and Roy Rogers. Sunday night often features a 1930s Western, and Monday and Wednesday afternoon an old movie.

Otherwise Channel 44 has programs about cars, cooking, recipes, woodwork, wrestling, music, exercise, religion, sports, painting, fishing, etc.

The station was launched in 2004 as C31 Adelaide and became Channel 44 in 2014.

Schlock and Schlocky

The Urban Dictionary website says "Schlock" originated from the Yiddish word "Shlak" in 1910-1915. It is now usually used in reference to movies, and means:

1. Crap
2. Of very poor quality.
3. Of little or no value.

Synonyms include useless, worthless, trash and junk.

Clearly The Schlocky Horror Picture Show is aptly named.

Movie List

The Schlocky Horror Picture Show began in 2007 and until 2015 screened on Friday nights (Saturday nights in 2016). It is irregular, sometimes not shown for months. Therefore to catch it when it comes, check the TV guide often.

Actually, not every movie is utterly awful, just most of them. The ratings (Column 4 below) come from Leonard Maltin's Movie & Video Guide (1999; 2011). Maltin's rating scale has four stars for the best movies down to "Bomb" which equals one star or less.

A list of Schlocky Horror Picture Show movies follows:

	Date Screened	Movie	*
1	30 March 2007	The Last Man on Earth (1964)	1½
2	6 April 2007	The Mad Monster (1942)	1½
3	13 April 2007	The Phantom from 10,000 Leagues (1955)	-
4	20 April 2007	Evil Brain from Outer Space (1959)	-
5	27 April 2007	Scared to Death (1947)	1½
6	4 May 2007	Crypt of the Living Dead ( 1972)	-
7	11 May 2007	Moon of the Wolf (1972)	-
8	18 May 2007	Dementia 13 (1963)	2
9	25 May 2007	Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women (1968)	1½
10	1 June 2007	Prisoners of the Lost Universe (1983)	-
11	8 June 2007	Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)	B
12	15 June 2007	Creepers (1984)	3
13	22 June 2007	Bad Taste (1988)	2½
14	29 June 2007	The Cold (1984)	-
15	6 July 2007	Good Against Evil (1977)	-
16	13 July 2007	The Human Monster (1939)	2
17	20 July 2007	The Cabinet of Dr Caligari (1919)	3½
18	27 July 2007	Drive-In Massacre (1977)	2
19	3 August 2007	Juggernaut (1936)	-
20	10 August 2007	Prey (2004)	-
21	17 August 2007	House on Haunted Hill (1959)	-
22	24 August 2007	A Bucket of Blood (1959)	2
23	31 August 2007	Little Shop of Horrors (1960)	3½
24	7 Sep. 2007	Creature from the Haunted Sea (1961)	1½
25	14 Sep. 2007	All the Kind Strangers (1974)	-
26	21 Sep. 2007	Night of the Living Dead (1968)	3½
27	14 March 2008	The Evil Mind (1934)	2½
28	28 March 2008	The Last Woman on Earth (1960)	B
29	4 April 2008	Destroy All Planets (1968)	-
30	11 April 2008	Nightmare Castle (1965)	2
31	18 April 2008	The Werewolf vs the Vampire Woman (1970)	-
32	25 April 2008	The Terror (1963)	-
33	2 May 2008	The Killer Shrews (1959)	2½
34	9 May 2008	Carnival of Souls (1962)	2½
35	16 May 2008	Teenagers from Outer Space (1959)	B
36	30 May 2008	Chiller (1985)	-
37	6 June 2008	The Devil Bat (1941)	2
38	13 June2008	Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride (1973)	1½
39	20 June 2008	Horrors of Spider Island (1959)	-
40	27 June 2008	Nosferatu (1922)	3½
41	5 Dec. 2008	Beast from the Haunted Cave (1960)	2
42	12 Dec. 2008	Bluebeard (1944)	3
43	19 Dec. 2008	The Bat (1959)	2½
44	26 Dec. 2008	White Zombie (1932)	3
45	2 Jan. 2009	Bloody Pit of Horror (1965)	-
46	9 Jan. 2009	Bloodlust (1961)	-
47	16 Jan. 2009	Warning from Space (1957)	-
48	23 Jan. 2009	The Phantom of the Opera (1925)	3½
49	30 Jan. 2009	Svengali (1931)	3
50	2 Feb. 2009	Robot Monster (1953)	B
51	3 Feb. 2009	The Wasp Woman (1960)	2½
52	20 Feb. 2009	The Werewolf of Washington (1973)	1½
53	27 Feb. 2009	The Vampire Bat (1933)	2½
54	14 August 2009	Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter (1966)	1½
55	21 August 2009	Attack of the Giant Leeches (1959)	1½
56	28 August 2009	Terror Creatures from the Grave (1965)	-
57	4 Sep. 2009	Tormented (1960)	B
58	11 Sep. 2009	Lady Frankenstein (1979)	B
59	18 Sep. 2009	Mystery of the Wax Museum (1933)	2½
60	25 Sep. 2009	Werewolf in a Girls Dormitory (1961)	B
61	2 Oct. 2009	Planet Outlaws (1953)	-
62	9 Oct. 2009	Revolt of the Zombies (1936)	1½
63	16 Oct. 2009	Killers from Space (1954)	B
64	23 Oct. 2009	Cosmos: War of the Planets (1977)	B
65	30 Oct. 2009	The Day of the Triffids (1962)	2½
66	6 Nov. 2009	Slipstream (1989)	2
67	6 August 2010	Eegah (1962)	B
68	13 August 2010	The Double D Avenger (2001)	-
69	20 August 2010	They Came from Beyond Space (1967)	B
70	27 August 2010	Night of the Living Dead Reanimated (2009)	-
71	3 Sep. 2010	The Corpse Vanishes (1942)	2
72	10 Sep. 2010	Frankenstein vs the Creature from Blood Cove (2005)	-
73	17 Sep. 2010	The Phantom Planet (1961)	1½
74	24 Sep. 2010	The She Beast (1966)	1½
75	1 Oct. 2010	Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (1920)	3
76	8 Oct. 2010	The Vampire Happening (1971)	-
77	15 Oct. 2010	Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet (1965)	1½
78	22 Oct. 2010	Wild Women of Wongo (1958)	-
79	29 Oct. 2010	The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1963)	1½
80	24 Dec. 2010	Spider Baby (1964)	2½
81	21 Oct. 2011	Monos: The Hands of Fate (1966)	-
82	28 Oct. 2011	Brother from Another Planet (1984)	3
83	4 Nov. 2011	Goth Kill (2009)	-
84	11 Nov. 2011	Horror Express (1972)	3
85	18 Nov. 2011	First Spaceship on Venus (1960)	2
86	25 Nov. 2011	Phantom from Space (1953)	1½
87	2 Dec. 2011	Zontar the Thing from Venus (1968)	B
88	9 Dec. 2011	Horror Hotel (1960)	2½
89	16 Dec. 2011	Lost World (1925)	2½
90	23 Dec. 2011	Silent Night Bloody Night (1973)	2
91	30 Dec. 2011	Snow Beast (1977)	-
92	6 Jan. 2012	Dominique (1978)	2
93	2 March 2012	Voodoo Dawn (1998)	-
94	1 Feb. 2013	Monster of Phantom Lake (2006)	-
95	8 Feb. 2013	The Embalmer (1965)	-
96	15 Feb. 2013	It Came from Another World (2007)	-
97	22 Feb. 2013	Mesa of Lost Women (1953)	-
98	1 March 2013	Cave Women on Mars (2008)	-
99	8 March 2013	The Indestructible Man (1956)	2
100	15 March 2013	Terror from Beneath the Earth (2009)	-
101	22 March 2013	Alien Contamination (1980)	-
102	29 March 2013	Destination Outer Space (2010)	-
103	5 April 2013	King of the Zombies (1941)	1½
104	12 April 2013	Attack of the Moon Zombies (2011)	-
105	19 April 2013	Guyver Dark Hero (1994)	-
106	26 April 2013	House of Ghosts (2012)	-
107	3 May 2013	Plan Nine from Outer Space (1958)	B
108	30 Jan. 2015	The Ghastly Love of Johnny X (2012)	-
109	28 August 2015	The Day the Sky Exploded (1958)	2

The Stories

The Schlocky Horror movies often show crazy scientists, unbelievable mutations, mad murderers, implausible monsters, perfunctory aliens, insipid deaths, and whatever else evokes yawns.

Often the acting is stilted, special effects silly, dubbing atrocious, violence unrealistic, and plots stupid.

In Destroy All Planets (1968) a big, fire-spitting, flying turtle named Gamera saves Earth from alien invaders with help from scouts. In The Double D Avenger (2001) the Double D apparently refers to the bra-size of the "Avenger" who tackles a gang of murderous strippers.

Leonard Maltin provides many helpful summaries. For example:

Teenagers From Outer Space (1959) Bomb
Ridiculous sci-fi about alien youths who bring monster to Earth, shown as the shadow of a lobster! Very, very cheap…

Robot Monster (1953) Bomb
Gorilla in diving helmet wipes out entire Earth population save one family ... embarrassingly, hilariously awful…

Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory (1961) Bomb
Superintendent at school for problem girls doubles as a werewolf. Strictly bottom-of-the-barrel.

Wikipedia has entries on all the movies. For example:

• Plan Nine from Outer Space (1968)
Extraterrestrials seek to stop humanity from creating a doomsday weapon that could destroy the universe. The aliens implement Plan Nine, a scheme to resurrect the Earth's dead, referred to as "ghouls". By causing chaos, the aliens hope the crisis will force humanity to listen to them. If not, the aliens will then destroy mankind with armies of the undead.

• Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women (1968)
Astronauts landing on Venus kill a creature that resembles a pterodactyl and is worshiped by the local women. The women try and fail to kill the astronauts by means of their superhuman powers. Eventually, the astronauts escape the planet, and their robot, damaged by a volcanic fire, becomes the women's new god.

Wikipedia often includes interesting background information. The director of Plan Nine, for example, posthumously received the "Golden Turkey Award" for "Worst Director", and his film for "Worst film ever made."

And the director of Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women is quoted:

"I dressed them up in rubber suits, bottoms only and put shells over their breasts. I had them traipsing around Leo Carillo Beach for a while shooting inserts that might relate to Venus. One of the girls was afraid of sharks and when she was in the water they threw her a rubber fish; she got hysterical, grabbed the fish and bit its head off."

Viewing

Channel 44 recently moved operations online. Nigel Honeybone with his Schlocky Horror is no longer confined to Adelaide! Don't miss it.

References:

Maltin, L. 1998, 1999 Movie & Video Guide, Signet

www.abc.net.au/local/stories/2013/01/18/3672337.htm

www.c44.com.au

(BS)

http://ed5015.tripod.com/