(Investigator 23, 1992 March)
You've decided you'd like to get married. Why not go about it the superstitious way?
Firstly
you have to find
your
prospective
spouse. A girl finds this easier than a man because she will see her
future
mate in her dreams if she pins her garters to the wall and arranges her
shoes into a T-shaped pattern:
The engagement
ring must be diamond,
sapphire, emerald or ruby since these stones have good-fortune
promoting
properties. The girl must be
careful not to lose the ring since such an
event heralds quarrels, desertion and even death.
Of course the
bride must
be a virgin.
This
is because venereal disease is cured by intercourse with a virgin! If
the
bridegroom's got the "pox" he must
make sure to get the "token of
virginity".
It's unlucky to marry on Friday or Saturday. Pick your day carefully:
As regards the month of the wedding avoid rainy months: "Unhappy is the bride the rain falls on."
A stormy wedding day signifies a stormy marriage. Also June is lucky and May unlucky. Consider:
What should the bride wear? That's easy: "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue!" But she mustn't try any of it on before the wedding day. That would bring bad luck! The color of the bridal gown had better be correct too:
At the wedding the bride must cry or at least pretend! Otherwise her marriage will be full of tears. A wedding ring is necessary because turning it three times around on the finger brings luck. Also:
You'll need lots of confetti because confetti assures prosperity and fertility.
On the wedding
night
you'll both need
an
aphrodisiac. Crocodile eyes, the right testicle of an ass, and human
brains
have all been recommended.
Make arrangements with your butcher.
After the
honeymoon
comes the worry of
retaining
your spouse's affection. An Irish method is for the woman to open a
grave
of someone buried for
nine days, cut some skin off, tie the skin at
night
around the leg of her lover and remove it in the morning before he
wakes
up!
May wedded bliss
be
yours!
The above article shows that superstition is silly;
readers should not construe it as giving advice.
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