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The Schlocky Horror Picture Show
(Investigator 170, 2016 September)
(Investigator 170, 2016 September)
Schlocky Horror
If you like watching movies that make you shout "This is crap!" or "This is bull----!" then the Schlocky Horror Picture Show on Channel 44 (Adelaide) is for you.
Most of the movies are in the public domain and awful. Some are almost a century old and others are in the running for worst movie ever.
The best part of the Picture Show is often the introductory chat by talking-skeleton Nigel Honeybone who tells about the actors, directors, budgets and highlights.
As if public domain is not cheap enough, Schlocky Horror movies screened previously are already being repeated.
Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory was screened in 2009, Eegah and The Corpse Vanishes in 2010, Zontar The thing From Venus in 2011, Plan Nine From Outer Space in 2013, and The Killer Shrews in 2008, and this year they all returned. Eegah is so banal and silly, and the acting so wooden, that its highlight is when the girl abducted by a Neanderthal shaves his beard!
The Schlocky Horror website Message Boards have no messages, and the Frequently Asked Questions page has no questions.
Channel 44
Schlocky Horror Picture Show movies are public domain because apparently Channel 44 cannot afford much else.
The viewing includes shows that today's great grandparents watched as kids, such as The Cisco Kid, I Love Lucy, Ozzie and Harriet, The Beverly Hillbillies, Red Skelton, Flash Gordon, and Roy Rogers. Sunday night often features a 1930s Western, and Monday and Wednesday afternoon an old movie.
Otherwise Channel 44 has programs about cars, cooking, recipes, woodwork, wrestling, music, exercise, religion, sports, painting, fishing, etc.
The station was launched in 2004 as C31 Adelaide and became Channel 44 in 2014.
Schlock and Schlocky
The Urban Dictionary website says "Schlock" originated from the Yiddish word "Shlak" in 1910-1915. It is now usually used in reference to movies, and means:
1. Crap
2. Of very poor quality.
3. Of little or no value.
2. Of very poor quality.
3. Of little or no value.
Synonyms include useless, worthless, trash and junk.
Clearly The Schlocky Horror Picture Show is aptly named.
Movie List
The Schlocky Horror Picture Show began in 2007 and until 2015 screened on Friday nights (Saturday nights in 2016). It is irregular, sometimes not shown for months. Therefore to catch it when it comes, check the TV guide often.
Actually, not every movie is utterly awful, just most of them. The ratings (Column 4 below) come from Leonard Maltin's Movie & Video Guide (1999; 2011). Maltin's rating scale has four stars for the best movies down to "Bomb" which equals one star or less.
A list of Schlocky Horror Picture Show movies follows:
| Date Screened |
Movie |
* |
|
| 1 |
30 March 2007 | The Last Man on Earth (1964) | 1½ |
| 2 |
6 April 2007 | The Mad Monster (1942) | 1½ |
| 3 |
13 April 2007 | The Phantom from 10,000 Leagues (1955) | - |
| 4 |
20 April 2007 | Evil Brain from Outer Space (1959) | - |
| 5 |
27 April 2007 | Scared to Death (1947) | 1½ |
| 6 |
4 May 2007 | Crypt of the Living Dead ( 1972) | - |
| 7 |
11 May 2007 | Moon of the Wolf (1972) | - |
| 8 |
18 May 2007 | Dementia 13 (1963) | 2 |
| 9 |
25 May 2007 | Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women (1968) | 1½ |
| 10 |
1 June 2007 | Prisoners of the Lost Universe (1983) | - |
| 11 |
8 June 2007 | Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964) | B |
| 12 |
15 June 2007 | Creepers (1984) | 3 |
| 13 |
22 June 2007 | Bad Taste (1988) | 2½ |
| 14 |
29 June 2007 | The Cold (1984) | - |
| 15 |
6 July 2007 | Good Against Evil (1977) | - |
| 16 |
13 July 2007 | The Human Monster (1939) | 2 |
| 17 |
20 July 2007 | The Cabinet of Dr Caligari (1919) | 3½ |
| 18 |
27 July 2007 | Drive-In Massacre (1977) | 2 |
| 19 |
3 August 2007 | Juggernaut (1936) | - |
| 20 |
10 August 2007 | Prey (2004) | - |
| 21 |
17 August 2007 | House on Haunted Hill (1959) | - |
| 22 |
24 August 2007 | A Bucket of Blood (1959) | 2 |
| 23 |
31 August 2007 | Little Shop of Horrors (1960) | 3½ |
| 24 |
7 Sep. 2007 | Creature from the Haunted Sea (1961) | 1½ |
| 25 |
14 Sep. 2007 | All the Kind Strangers (1974) | - |
| 26 |
21 Sep. 2007 | Night of the Living Dead (1968) | 3½ |
| 27 |
14 March 2008 | The Evil Mind (1934) | 2½ |
| 28 |
28 March 2008 | The Last Woman on Earth (1960) | B |
| 29 |
4 April 2008 | Destroy All Planets (1968) | - |
| 30 |
11 April 2008 | Nightmare Castle (1965) | 2 |
| 31 |
18 April 2008 | The Werewolf vs the Vampire Woman (1970) | - |
| 32 |
25 April 2008 | The Terror (1963) | - |
| 33 |
2 May 2008 | The Killer Shrews (1959) | 2½ |
| 34 |
9 May 2008 | Carnival of Souls (1962) | 2½ |
| 35 |
16 May 2008 | Teenagers from Outer Space (1959) | B |
| 36 |
30 May 2008 | Chiller (1985) | - |
| 37 |
6 June 2008 | The Devil Bat (1941) | 2 |
| 38 |
13 June2008 | Count Dracula and His Vampire Bride (1973) | 1½ |
| 39 |
20 June 2008 | Horrors of Spider Island (1959) | - |
| 40 |
27 June 2008 | Nosferatu (1922) | 3½ |
| 41 |
5 Dec. 2008 | Beast from the Haunted Cave (1960) | 2 |
| 42 |
12 Dec. 2008 |
Bluebeard (1944) | 3 |
| 43 |
19 Dec. 2008 | The Bat (1959) | 2½ |
| 44 |
26 Dec. 2008 | White Zombie (1932) | 3 |
| 45 |
2 Jan. 2009 | Bloody Pit of Horror (1965) | - |
| 46 |
9 Jan. 2009 | Bloodlust (1961) | - |
| 47 |
16 Jan. 2009 | Warning from Space (1957) | - |
| 48 |
23 Jan. 2009 | The Phantom of the Opera (1925) | 3½ |
| 49 |
30 Jan. 2009 | Svengali (1931) | 3 |
| 50 |
2 Feb. 2009 | Robot Monster (1953) | B |
| 51 |
3 Feb. 2009 |
The Wasp Woman (1960) | 2½ |
| 52 |
20 Feb. 2009 | The Werewolf of Washington (1973) | 1½ |
| 53 |
27 Feb. 2009 | The Vampire Bat (1933) | 2½ |
| 54 |
14 August 2009 | Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter (1966) | 1½ |
| 55 |
21 August 2009 | Attack of the Giant Leeches (1959) | 1½ |
| 56 |
28 August 2009 | Terror Creatures from the Grave (1965) | - |
| 57 |
4 Sep. 2009 | Tormented (1960) | B |
| 58 |
11 Sep. 2009 | Lady Frankenstein (1979) |
B |
| 59 |
18 Sep. 2009 | Mystery of the Wax Museum (1933) | 2½ |
| 60 |
25 Sep. 2009 | Werewolf in a Girls Dormitory (1961) | B |
| 61 |
2 Oct. 2009 | Planet Outlaws (1953) | - |
| 62 |
9 Oct. 2009 | Revolt of the Zombies (1936) | 1½ |
| 63 |
16 Oct. 2009 | Killers from Space (1954) | B |
| 64 |
23 Oct. 2009 | Cosmos: War of the Planets (1977) | B |
| 65 |
30 Oct. 2009 | The Day of the Triffids (1962) | 2½ |
| 66 |
6 Nov. 2009 | Slipstream (1989) | 2 |
| 67 |
6 August 2010 | Eegah (1962) | B |
| 68 |
13 August 2010 | The Double D Avenger (2001) | - |
| 69 |
20 August 2010 | They Came from Beyond Space (1967) | B |
| 70 |
27 August 2010 | Night of the Living Dead Reanimated (2009) | - |
| 71 |
3 Sep. 2010 | The Corpse Vanishes (1942) | 2 |
| 72 |
10 Sep. 2010 | Frankenstein vs the Creature from Blood Cove (2005) | - |
| 73 |
17 Sep. 2010 | The Phantom Planet (1961) | 1½ |
| 74 |
24 Sep. 2010 | The She Beast (1966) | 1½ |
| 75 |
1 Oct. 2010 | Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde (1920) | 3 |
| 76 |
8 Oct. 2010 | The Vampire Happening (1971) | - |
| 77 |
15 Oct. 2010 | Voyage to the Prehistoric Planet (1965) | 1½ |
| 78 |
22 Oct. 2010 | Wild Women of Wongo (1958) | - |
| 79 |
29 Oct. 2010 | The Brain That Wouldn't Die (1963) | 1½ |
| 80 |
24 Dec. 2010 | Spider Baby (1964) | 2½ |
| 81 |
21 Oct. 2011 | Monos: The Hands of Fate (1966) | - |
| 82 |
28 Oct. 2011 | Brother from Another Planet (1984) | 3 |
| 83 |
4 Nov. 2011 | Goth Kill (2009) | - |
| 84 |
11 Nov. 2011 | Horror Express (1972) | 3 |
| 85 |
18 Nov. 2011 | First Spaceship on Venus (1960) | 2 |
| 86 |
25 Nov. 2011 | Phantom from Space (1953) | 1½ |
| 87 |
2 Dec. 2011 | Zontar the Thing from Venus (1968) | B |
| 88 |
9 Dec. 2011 | Horror Hotel (1960) | 2½ |
| 89 |
16 Dec. 2011 | Lost World (1925) | 2½ |
| 90 |
23 Dec. 2011 | Silent Night Bloody Night (1973) | 2 |
| 91 |
30 Dec. 2011 | Snow Beast (1977) | - |
| 92 |
6 Jan. 2012 | Dominique (1978) | 2 |
| 93 |
2 March 2012 | Voodoo Dawn (1998) | - |
| 94 |
1 Feb. 2013 | Monster of Phantom Lake (2006) | - |
| 95 |
8 Feb. 2013 | The Embalmer (1965) | - |
| 96 |
15 Feb. 2013 | It Came from Another World (2007) | - |
| 97 |
22 Feb. 2013 | Mesa of Lost Women (1953) | - |
| 98 |
1 March 2013 | Cave Women on Mars (2008) | - |
| 99 |
8 March 2013 | The Indestructible Man (1956) | 2 |
| 100 |
15 March 2013 | Terror from Beneath the Earth (2009) | - |
| 101 |
22 March 2013 | Alien Contamination (1980) | - |
| 102 |
29 March 2013 | Destination Outer Space (2010) | - |
| 103 |
5 April 2013 | King of the Zombies (1941) | 1½ |
| 104 |
12 April 2013 | Attack of the Moon Zombies (2011) | - |
| 105 |
19 April 2013 | Guyver Dark Hero (1994) | - |
| 106 |
26 April 2013 | House of Ghosts (2012) | - |
| 107 |
3 May 2013 | Plan Nine from Outer Space (1958) | B |
| 108 |
30 Jan. 2015 | The Ghastly Love of Johnny X (2012) | - |
| 109 |
28 August 2015 | The Day the Sky Exploded (1958) | 2 |
The Stories
The Schlocky Horror
movies often show crazy scientists, unbelievable
mutations, mad murderers, implausible monsters, perfunctory aliens,
insipid deaths, and whatever else evokes yawns.
Often the acting is stilted, special effects silly, dubbing atrocious, violence unrealistic, and plots stupid.
In Destroy All Planets (1968)
a big, fire-spitting, flying turtle named
Gamera saves Earth from alien invaders with help from scouts. In The
Double D Avenger (2001) the Double D apparently refers to the
bra-size
of the "Avenger" who tackles a gang of murderous strippers.
Leonard Maltin provides many helpful summaries. For example:
Teenagers From Outer Space (1959)
Bomb
Ridiculous sci-fi about alien youths who bring monster to Earth, shown as the shadow of a lobster! Very, very cheap…
Robot Monster (1953) Bomb
Gorilla in diving helmet wipes out entire Earth population save one family ... embarrassingly, hilariously awful…
Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory (1961) Bomb
Superintendent at school for problem girls doubles as a werewolf. Strictly bottom-of-the-barrel.
Ridiculous sci-fi about alien youths who bring monster to Earth, shown as the shadow of a lobster! Very, very cheap…
Robot Monster (1953) Bomb
Gorilla in diving helmet wipes out entire Earth population save one family ... embarrassingly, hilariously awful…
Werewolf in a Girl's Dormitory (1961) Bomb
Superintendent at school for problem girls doubles as a werewolf. Strictly bottom-of-the-barrel.
Wikipedia has entries on all the movies. For example:
• Plan Nine from Outer Space (1968)
• Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women (1968)
Extraterrestrials seek to stop humanity from creating a
doomsday weapon
that could destroy the universe. The aliens implement Plan Nine, a
scheme to resurrect the Earth's dead, referred to as "ghouls". By
causing chaos, the aliens hope the crisis will force humanity to listen
to them. If not, the aliens will then destroy mankind with armies of
the undead.
• Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women (1968)
Astronauts landing on Venus kill a creature that
resembles a
pterodactyl and is worshiped by the local women. The women try and fail
to kill the astronauts by means of their superhuman powers. Eventually,
the astronauts escape the planet, and their robot, damaged by a
volcanic fire, becomes the women's new god.
Wikipedia often includes interesting background information. The
director of Plan Nine, for
example, posthumously received the "Golden
Turkey Award" for "Worst Director", and his film for "Worst film ever
made."
And the director of Voyage to the
Planet of Prehistoric Women is quoted:
"I dressed them up in
rubber suits, bottoms only and put shells over
their breasts. I had them traipsing around Leo Carillo Beach for a
while shooting inserts that might relate to Venus. One of the girls was
afraid of sharks and when she was in the water they threw her a rubber
fish; she got hysterical, grabbed the fish and bit its head off."
Viewing
Channel 44 recently moved operations online. Nigel Honeybone with his Schlocky Horror is no longer confined to Adelaide! Don't miss it.
References:
Maltin, L. 1998, 1999 Movie & Video Guide, Signet
www.abc.net.au/local/stories/2013/01/18/3672337.htm
www.c44.com.au
(BS)